


Drowning

by orphan_account



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Friends to Lovers, I'll add tags as I go along, Kissing, M/M, Russian Roulette, Sherlock later on, Slow Burn, Teenlock, sort of
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-07
Updated: 2016-01-12
Packaged: 2018-05-05 13:42:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5377352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John Watson and Jim Moriarty did not meet for the first time at St. Barts. In fact, they had a rather sordid history.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

John Watson and Jim Moriarty did not meet for the first time at St. Barts. In fact, they had a rather sordid history. One that John tried and failed to forget as he moved on with his life and one Jim had tried and failed to get over. There is nothing as pure as first love and nothing as painful as losing it.

They had met when John they were 12, stuck in the midst of puberty experiencing all the awful things that went with it. Jim and his family had recently moved from Dublin to the house across from Johns and because they were the same age and sex their parents through them together and forced them to become friends. Jim would say the first moment he saw John he knew it was love. John would say it was the first moment he realized his life would be trouble. But they became fast friends and as the years went by and their hormones settled more they became known as the Inseparable Two (or Insufferable Two depending on who you asked).

"I can't believe you still haven't done it yet!" Jim stated as he rolled his eyes at the back of Johns' head.

John lowered his head more pretending to be looking for some book in his locker he didn't need. "I don't know what you're talking about," John replied before flicking his locker closed.

"Don't act dumb John you know I hate that." John turned and faced Jim meeting the dark haired boy's glare. "If you can't stand him and don't want to date him I don't see why you're having so much trouble letting him go."

"Because I'll be losing a bloody good shag that's why. Plus he's the only other guy in this school who'll have a toss with me and not freak out about it later." I'd shag you; Jim thought to himself as he watched the blond start walk. "I'm doing it this afternoon, after his practice. I promise."

"Good and you better not chicken out again John Watson." Jim yelled after him.

John turned and walked backward down the hall. "Oh come on you love hearing about my sex life."

Jim rolled his eyes and hurried off to class. God he wished, John would stop fucking around with other guys, and girls for that matter, and realize that he is the one that John should be with. Not stupid Carl Powers, who thinks he's all that because he's won a dew swimming contests. Plus Carl doesn't care about John, Carl won't even tell anyone he's shagging John. Too afraid that everyone will think he's gay. If John were, his everyone would know it. He wouldn't hide John; John wasn't something to hide. But John wasn't his. John wasn't anyone's. John did whatever (and whoever) he wanted to because he was John Watson adored rugby captain and golden child of the school.

Jim brushed aside these thoughts as he got to class. He could spend the whole day going through these thoughts over and over again, but it never changed anything. John would never see him as more than a friend unless Jim told him but Jim was too afraid of losing their friendship that he didn't dare speak. At the very least his influence on John would get him to break up with the wet brained swimmer. Maybe next time it would be Jim.

 

 


	2. He's Bad News

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Carl sitting in a tree.... A-R-N-G-moriartY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> John and Jim are meant to be 15 and Carl is 17

Jim sat perched on the bench behind the gym waiting for John tapping his nimble fingers against the solid metal. It was a routine by now, Jim waited for John outside the locker rooms and then they would walk together. It took John about 10 minutes after the last bell rang to meet Jim. He took a drag from his cigarette holding in the smoke till his lungs burned and he had to breath out, it calmed him made him feel more sane. And God did he need sanity after the shit day he had. He'd had the shit kicked out of him by Hanon Wames and his idiotic thugs. At least, they didn't hit his face, this time; they knew not to touch his face after their last run-in with John. He added another tally next to their names in his internal Hit List and that annoying girl Abigal he sat next to in English that was always popping her gum.

Jim checked his watch and sighed. John was late, although Jim figured it was inevitable since he was supposedly meeting up with Powers to end things. But then again John had been saying he was going to end things for weeks now, and it still hadn't panned out. Jim remembered the first time John had told him about Carl; had said that Carl wasn't his type, he was too tall and too blond for Johns liking, but still John had proceeded to go out with him in secret. They were more like fuck buddies than they were boyfriends, but it didn't matter to John.

Carl took him to dinners and the movies, and they always ended up shagging in Carls car or his room (if they were lucky and his parents weren't home). John had lost his virginity to Carl, well technically he had lost his virginity to Sherrie Wicks, but that's not the same. John had kissed boys before, had touched them and been touched back but never actually had sex with one before. When Jim found out it was like a bit of his heart had been ripped out. He never expected John to act entirely on his bisexuality and him especially never to have expected it to happen with Carl Powers of all people. John didn't even like the sod; that's why Jim was encouraging the split so much (or, at least, that's what he told John). At the moment, Powers was on the top of Jims Hit List.

As if the blond could sense Jim thoughts he popped around the corner and strode towards the bench. Jims face split into a grin the moment he saw the boy, geez he was in deep, but he had always been in deep when it came to John. How could he not have fallen in love with him. Sure, at first, John had been just the annoying kid across the street who was being forced to hang out with him, but they grew past the awkward stage into what they were now. And not only had their friendship developed but John had too, he grew out of his pimples and baby fat into a "pure sex god" as some of the girls around town called him. He had his flaws, he was short and obnoxious and would latch onto anything with legs and a semi-decent looking face. He was also too smart for his own sake and too naive to realize what Jims friendship had turned into. Because while John might be good at dealing with ordinary people he still struggled to understand Jim.

"You alright?"

Jim focused his gaze realizing that he had been drifting off into his thought, "Yeah sorry just got caught up reorganizing my hit list." John laughed and nudged Jim to get up.

"Whos the newest victim?" They started walking down to the main campus towards the road.

"That annoying twit Abigale something that I sit next to in class. She's very low on the list, not likely to move up anytime soon." John chuckled, and Jim changed the topics figuring John wouldn't care anymore about the Abigale girl. "So how did Powers take it?"

John looked away from Jim for a moment and settled his sights back on the street ahead. "He's bloody devastated," John huffed and for a second Jim almost felt sorry. "Said I was the best sex he's ever had. Said he was probably never going to have sex again because he knows it won't compare. I feel sorry I crushed the poor kids heart." John broke into a fit of laughter as Jim produced an annoyed huff. "He took it fine. No hard feelings, it's not like we were ever really together it was just-"

John snapped his mouth shut as he heard the familiar voice of Carl yelling after him, "John! John, you left your phone to wait up!"

"Fuck," John whispered to himself.

"John, I'm glad I caught you or else I couldn't have called tonight." Carl hesitated as a looked over at Jim. "You know to study for the er French exam tomorrow."

"I didn't know you had a french exam tomorrow, John," Jim said in a cold tone. John tried to avoid Jims eye contact knowing that he would be faced with Jims look of death.

"Yeah, Carl and I are supposed to study tonight. You know how bad I am at French." John turned back towards Carl and smiled. "Thanks, Carl I'll call you later to study." And then John rushed off pulling Jim along with him.

"John Hamish Watson you are lying son of a bitch," Jim swore at him.

"I know I know I'm sorry. But I caught him at the wrong time. He had just gotten out of the pool." John blushed as he rushed to apologize.

"Is sex the only thing you think about?" Jim asked harshly.

"With Powers yes." And with that, they walked the rest of the way home in silence. John was wanting to apologize more but not entirely sure he needed to, and Jim was wishing that John would realize just how much time he is wasting with all the nitwits at school.


	3. Forgetful John

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John is forgetful and Jim remembers everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I'm terrible at summaries.

It had been two days since John had heard from Jim. Two grueling days. They had plans to go to meet up after John’s rugby game on Friday, but Jim didn’t show. _It was so typical of Jim,_ John thought as he packed up his rugby bag, _he butts in 24/7 but the minute I piss him off he’s gone._ John had tried to start them talking again, but it never worked. Jim ignored him in the hallways, refused to sit with him during lunch, dismissed Johns phone calls and texts, and stopped waiting for John after school.

Today was the last straw, though. It had been almost a week since they had talked and John was about to lose his mind. He had seen Jim in the hall and snuck up on the lithe boy, John grabbed his elbow and towed him into a nearby corridor that was emptying out. The dark haired boy put up a fight, trying to snatch his arm back but John just tightened his grip and kept marching.

“Stop ignoring me,” John demanded when they finally came to a halt. He spun Jim around to face him to see the boy wincing in pain; John dropped his arm and took a step back. “Sorry.” John dropped his eyes to the floor as a wave of guilt hit him.

“I’ll stop ignoring you when you stop lying to me.” Jim spat and started to turn away from John.  But John was fast and grabbed his shoulder and pushing him back against a nearby locker. Jim gasped as John pushed him hoping that he thought the gasp was because of the force and not because of the effect John had on him.

“Why do you care so much?” John growled, pushing himself a little closer to Jim trying to get in his face as much as possible. “I like Powers, and I don’t see why I have to break it off with him just because you don’t want me to be with him. I knew I shouldn’t have told you when we started hooking up. Knew you would just act like this like I’m not allowed to do what I want. I know you don’t want me to get hurt but I won't its not feelings with Carl its just sex.” 

John had grown progressively redder as he made his little speech and Jim wondered if he turned that color during other activities as well. Jim shook himself remembering why he was in this position in the first place.

“I care so much because you don’t care at all. Don’t you remember all those times Carl and the stupid fucking swim team beat the shit out of me? Don’t you remember how just last year Carl said he would torture me until the day I died for running my mouth at him? And how after you had steered them right he told me I should still watch me back. Don’t you remember any of that John or are you too busy fucking him to remember that he’s a piece of shit who doesn’t deserve someone as good as you.” And with that, Jim shoved John back and rushed down the hall.

“Jesus Christ,” John swore to himself. How could he have let things with Powers get this far out of hands? He never meant for it to turn out like this. He needed to make things right.

 **Sent:** _I need to talk to you later. Meet me at the usual place @ 5. JW_

 **Received:** _I’ll be there. Should I bring the condoms this time or will you? Powers_

 **Sent:** _No need for them tonight. I’ll see you then. JW_

 **Received:** _I’ll bring them anyways. ;) Powers_


	4. Decisions Decisions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Johns thoughts on his way to meet with Carl.

There was a slight nip in the air as John started down the narrow path to his and Carls spot. It was strange how it had become their place without him even giving it that title. It had been just the lake near the park when they started out. And now it was their place; the place they first kissed, where they first pushed a little further, where they had said I love you for the first time. John shook his head and pulled his jacket a little tighter; he wasn't allowed to think of that because if he did, he knew Jim would somehow find out.

It was ridiculous that he had to keep that a secret. Partially because Carl wasn't ready for everyone to know he fancied boys but also because John knew the hell he would have to pay if Jim caught wind of it. God, Jim could get so angry when he heard something he didn't like. A right psycho he was when he didn't get his way. And yet John found it almost endearing, the way he went flush and his already dark eyes seemed to turn black, not to mention the power Jim exuded when he was truly furious. It was hot; John pushed that thought to the back of his head he couldn't be thinking about his best friend like that it was wrong. Not to mention that he was going to meet another guy right now. He refocused on the issue; he was going to end it with Carl and maybe, this time, he would man up enough to ask Jim out.

He had tried a few times before (a few hundred) to get up the courage to just tell the Irish boy how he felt but he could never do it. Just one look into those deep coffee colored eyes and he knew it wasn't worth it to ruin their friendship. Jim was his rock his everything, well his almost everything. They shared everything expect this urge John has to be with Jim all the time. John hadn't even realized his feelings, at first, thinking his fondness for the other boy was only one fo true friendship. He suspected he probably started falling for the boy when they were about 14, Jim had finally grown into his long limbs and started looking more like a man than a boy. John didn't admit the feelings he had been ones of desire until they were almost 15 and he woke up with cum soaked pants with he thought of Jims naked body on his mind. He didn't admit it was love till he said "I love you" to Carl and realized the only person he should have been saying it to was Jim.

His phone buzzed, and he reached for it in his pocket, and he felt his stomach flip when he saw it was from Carl instead of Jim.

 **Received:** _You're late, Watson. Hurry up I miss you. Powers_

John picked up the pace. He did like Carl, truly, and no matter how much he loved Jim it would never work out so why to end things with Carl. He would be better at pretending this time. Tell Carl some lie so he wouldn't approach John when Jim was around. Make sure that they stayed a secret. Why should John have to pine after Jim alone? Why couldn't he pine while he was with Carl? It sure as hell wasn't fair to the older boy, but then again it's not like Carl would want to end things either.

 **Sent:** _I'm coming. I'll see you soon love. JW_

And with that, John made up his mind and picked up his pace along the path.


	5. Roulette

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John gets high on adrenaline ends up breaking his promise.

John spotted the boat shack, and his stomach turned. He loved the boat shack; Carl had showed it to him after their second time together. Powers and his brother had found it years ago, it was abandoned in the late 80's, after all, the fish had died out. It had been empty and dreary the first time John had seen it, but now it was like a haven for him. The perfect hideaway.

The sun was setting over the lake casting orange and pink rays of light across the surface. John strolled up the fading blue shack and knocked on the door. John fidgeted with his grey sweatshirt pulling it down further. He thought of Jim as he waited for Carl to get the door, thought about how he was betraying the boys trust, how he didn't really care though because he did truly like Carl. He loved Carl, he really did. They had been together for four months and had been sleeping around for almost a year before they became secretly official and despite what Jim thought it wasn't just sex. The shack was confirmation of that. They spent all their time there talking, kissing, relaxing, just enjoying being together. It was special no matter what Jm thought it was. He couldn't let Jim control his life. He would be with whoever the hell he wanted to be with.

The door swung open, and Johns thoughts faltered. Maybe this wasn't a good idea. But Powers was leaning against the door with a smile breaking across his tanned face. He was gorgeous tall and blond with the greenest eyes John had ever seen. His heart stuttered and then resumed its regular beats.

"Hey, Lanks." John greeted as Carl swooped down for a kiss. The taller boys lips pushing softly against his and turning harsher for a second before drawing back.

"Hey, Shortie," He responded, a goofy smile gracing his face. He brushed a hand through Johns' hair and nodded for him to come in. "So what's all the vague texting about?"

Instead of responding  John stepped into the shack and looked around. "You moved the table," He noted taking in the rest of the room. It wasn't hard to tell when something was moved in here there was so little stuff it would be impossible to miss. An old counter from when it was a bait shop, a small table with two chairs, and an air mattress shoved in the corner with a few blankets and pillows.

"Yeah I thought it would open up the room more," Carl chuckled. "Plus you've been saying how much you hate that you can't see out the window when we sit at the table." John turned and smiled at him, giving him a quick peck on the lips.

 _This_ , John thought,  _is the Carl Powers I wish Jim knew. Caring, sweet, interesting. Instead of just a dumb jock._

"When do you have to be home?" John asked innocently. He scooted a little closer to Carl with a sweet smile on his face. Carl knew that smile too well, it meant one of two things; either _fuck me senseless_ or  _let's get into trouble and then you can fuck me senseless._ Carl alway preferred the latter of the two. He loved seeing John high on adrenaline after they do something reckless.

His favorite moment with the smaller boy was when they had jumped into the lake when it was practically frozen over nearly caught hypothermia. John had pulled the older boy into the water after him and kissed him under the surface until they couldn't take the cold anymore. It was a struggle to get out and as they sprinted back the boat house Carl had yelled over his shoulder "You're gonna get me killed one day Watson, but I love you". To which John responded, "I love you too". That was the first time either of them had said I love you to anyone. Love and adrenaline were the keys to the perfect bought of shagging. It was the best sex Carl ever had. And so the tradition of doing crazy shit and then fucking each other's brains out began.

"I'll tell you when you tell me what your message was about," Carl said stepping back from John and taking the few short steps to one of the old wooden chairs in the corner. He gestured for John to join him and the younger boy let out a resigned sigh as he took the seat across from Powers.

"It's nothing. Just some stuff Jim was saying." John sighed and looked away from the bright green eyes focused on his face. "Just some stupid shit. He doesn't know what he's talking about. He just thinks your aren't good enough for me." John finishes lamely.

"Oh." Carl looked at his hands for a second before grabbing Johns chin and lifting it up until their eyes met. "Moriarty's only saying that because he's jealous. He's so obviously in love with you and he's just so envious that I have you all to myself." 

John chuckled and leaned in the kiss the boy softly on the lips. "I doubt that. It's not relevant anyways. I love you and I don't care what he thinks. Now tell me, when do you have to be home tonight?" John smiled darkly as he pulled away from the older boy.

"John Watson you're going to kill me one of these days."

"I love you too. Now get up I have a plan."

                                                                                   =============================

They stood at the bank of the lake facing one another. John smiled darkly at the nervous expression on Carls' face. "Don't tell em you're going to chicken out on me now Powers." John teased. Carl gulped and shook his head.

"I think this is the craziest thing you've ever made me do. Crazier than the time we jumped into the bear exhibit at the zoo."

John laughed at the memory. "I can't believe we can never go back to the zoo again."

"Yeah, my parents were not happy about that." Carl laughed and rubbed the back of his tanned neck.

"So are we going to do this or not?" John asked. Sounding as though this was a regular everyday thing they were about to do. Like he was asking if tey were going to go to the movies or not.

"Yeah, okay. But if I end up with a bullet in my head, John Watson, I am going to kill you." John grabbed the revolvers from the ground and handed one to Carl. John had stolen them from his dad's safe earlier that morning.

"Okay, so the rules are simple. We aim, spin the chamber, then I count to three and on three we pull the trigger." Johns tone turned a little less casual and more excited. Carl could already tell the boy was pumping with adrenaline. "There's only one bullet in each gun so that gives you a 1/6 chance of getting shot."

"Who would have ever thought that having sex with you would lead me to play Russian Roulette?" Carl asked, wondering not for the first time if he should have never started things with John in the first place. But he had to admit to himself that he loved the thrills that came along with the younger boy.

"On my count," John spun the chamber and aimed straight between Carls gorgeous green eyes. "One, two three!" And then they fired.

A loud bang filled the air along with a high pitched laugh that had slipped from Johns' throat. John rushed over to where Carl was standing a look of pure awe on his face. He grabbed the taller boys face and pulled him down into a deep kiss, pushing is tongue past lips and moaning as Carl responded. John pulled away moving down Carls' neck to suck a large bruise on it. Carl thrust his hips into Johns as their lips returned to the others. 

"Jesus fucking Christ, that was the hottest thing ever!" John exclaimed between kisses. "You almost killed me. Oh God, that was incredible." Carl remained silent for a moment processing what had happened. And before his head could fully clear John was pulling him up towards the shack. 

 

 


	6. Mending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John is human trash (per usual), Jim is oblivious, and Carl is lucky he's making it out alive (for now).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Postings might slow down a little but I've been in finals and now I'm headed home for the holidays.

**Sent [10:04 pm]:**   _Please stop ignoring me. You're a pain in my arse, but I need you. JW_

**Sent [10:19 pm]:** _Jim please it has been a week since you even acknowledge my presence. JW_

**Sent [1:04 am]:**   _Fuck you, Moriarty, I know you read my texts! JW_

**Sent [2:30 am]:** _I'm sorry I just miss you. I can't go on like this. He means nothing to me if it means we're nothing. I miss you. Please just talk to me. JW_

**Received [2:32 am]:** _Come over. -Moriarty_

**Sent [2:33 am]:**   _Give me 10 minutes. JW_

* * *

John carefully rolled out of Carls grasp as he slipped out of bed, grabbing his clothes and quickly pulling them on. He tiptoed over to the table and scratched out a note on some scratch paper, giving some bullshit excuse for his early departure. John ran his fingers through his hair trying to make it look presentable, Jim couldn't find out that he was here with Carl. Treading lightly on the old wooden floors John pushed his way out of the shack and onto the path that lead back to town and took off into a sprint, thanking God he was in such good shape from rugby season.

He made it to Jims house and walked around the side of the house to where the dark haired boys bedroom was. John climbed the tree that hung over the boys window like he had so many times before. Making it to the top John lightly knocked not wanting to scare the boy. A light flicked on in the room and Jim pulled his dark blue curtains apart to see the object of his affection hanging onto his tree. He could barely make out the blond boys face in the near pitch darkness but then again who else would be coming to see him so late. Jim opened the window and allowed enough room for John to crawl in.

"I hate you," Jim stated as soon as John had made it through the window. 

"I know," John stepped more into the boys room and looked around. The same as it had always been full of books and the color blue. "But you do have to admit that I'm not at the top of your Hit list." John chuckled as he turned to face Jim head-on. 

"No, you're right. That spot is reserved for your ex-boy toy." John looked away trying to bury the guilt. Luckily Jim was more focused on the bruises on Johns' neck than the boys face. "What are those?" He asked sharply, pointing an accusing finger at Johns' neck. The shorter boy winced as he touched his neck remembering how he had told Powers to choke him before he orgasmed to spike the adrenaline. John was about to explain when Jim cut him off, "Did someone try to hurt you, John? I'll kill them I swear I will." A jolt of fear went down Johns' spine, he had heard Jim threaten people before but never with this much ferocity. He seemed serious. HE seemed deadly. nd John hated himself for the stirring in his stomach that it caused.

"I'm fine, Jim, I swear. There's no need," And with that, John was being cut off as soft lips pressed against his. Almost as fast as it happened the lips had pulled off. "To worry." John finished lamely. John pressed his fingers against his lips where only moments ago Jims had been. He felt out of breath and full of air all at the same time. Focused and scattered. Light and heavy. He felt like everything he had been wanting was final coming to him. And then he remembered Carl and a wave of nausea washed over him. It must have shown on his face as the Irish boy backed up into the corner of the room with a devastated look falling upon his lovely features.

"Leave." The dark haired boy croaked from where he was crouched in the corner. "Just please leave." 

"You just kissed me and you want me to leave?" It hurt, John wasn't going to lie. Everything he had ever wanted was just pulled out from under him. The boy he had spent most of his life in love with had instantly regretted even the smallest form of contact with him.

"It was a mistake, John, please jut go. I get that you might never want to talk to me again, but I had to. I just had to know." Jim sounded like he was about to cry and John wanted nothing more than to comfort the boy. He resisted unsure of how Jim would take it.

"Had to know what?" John asked. What if Jim had known all along how he had pined for him and he was just confirming. John couldn't live with the knowledge that Jim knew all these years. He had probably been using him the whole time, knowing that John would do anything for him because his feelings went deeper than friendship.

"Had to know what your lips would feel like." Jim squeaked from the corner. His head raised out of his hands for a second and then dropped back down. "Had to know because I know that everyone will be swarming after you now that you and Powers are done. This was my only chance." 

"Oh." John could have cried from happiness. Jm liked him! Jim Fucking Moriarty liked him! Jim had taken a risk that John had been too chicken to try and all because John was single. Oh wait, and John hated himself more than he ever had. Carl. Fucking Powers was the only thing standing in between him and Jim Fucking Moriarty. And yet he had already made the decision. Hadn't he? He wanted Carl no matter what Jim said, but that was before Jim had kissed him. "Jim I have something to tell you. Please don't get angry just listen." He waited for Jim to look up and acknowledge him. "I've loved you for most of my life and God I want to kiss you again so badly but"

"You've what." Jim interrupted springing up from his crouch in the corner, a mix of rage and bliss on his face.

"I've loved you for most of my life?" John responded hesitantly. Jim took five long strides to John and grabbed his face between his hands and kissed him again. This time, it was less a brushing of lips as it was a forceful snog. Jims brain short circuited as he took in all this new information about John. John tasted like tea and mint gum and for some reason slightly like gun powder. He ran his fingers through the short sandy blond hair and pulled himself closer to the other boy, moaning slightly as their hips slotted together. Jim pulled back gasping for air as John seemed to be lost for anything to do or say. "I'm still with him. I'm still with Powers." John blurted out, taking the plunge before it was too late. "And I love him. I seriously do, not as much as I love you, but I do love him. And I can't start anything with you till I end things with him. I want to be with you, but I also need to be with him."

Jim pushed back the moment completely gone and John felt like the oxygen had been sucked out of the room. "Why do you need to be with him, John? I thought it was pure sex, you told me so many times that you felt nothing for him. You told me it had only been a few months or is that a lie too? Why would you lie about that?" God, he shouldn't have said that he was such an idiot. now he would have to explain his relationship and that was something he definitely didn't want to do.

He took a deep breath and steadied himself for what he was about to say. He had never admitted it out loud, not even to Carl, he had just seemed to understand what John needed. "It started out that way, we would hook up whenever we wanted to and just have a go at it, but it progressed. It made sense Carl and I seeing each other. Neither of us had time for commitment with school and sports. It was so casual at first I didn't think I needed to tell you. We've unofficially been together for 14 months, officially for a year, and then I told you 3 months ago." John had to look away from the torn expression on Jims face. "We go on dates, say we love each other, we have a secret place down by the lake. I  never meant for it to last this long, it was just supposed to be a fling."

"Did he do that to you?" Jim already knew the answer, but he had to ask anyways. He wanted to throw up. Wanted to scream and cry and punch something. How could John have lied to him like this? How could he have been such a fool?

"Yes."

"Does he hurt you like this often." I'll kill him, Jim thought, if he tries to hurt my Johnny again.

"Yes." And Jim almost lost it, almost went to find Powers and kill him on the spot. "But only when I ask him to." Johns response was so quiet that Jim almost didn't hear it. He looked up to make sure he had heard right and felt the bile rise in his stomach as Johns ashamed face confirmed it for him. "He's always careful, though, he makes sure I come before anything too serious happens."

And with that, Jim was vometing into the bin under his desk. "LEAVE!" Jim barked as he gagged.

John backed up towards the window and began to climb out. "I'm sorry Jim. I really am. Please don't hate me." And then he left leaving Jim curled up around the bin wishing he had never asked John over tonight.

 


	7. Easy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Breaking up with someone you love isn't easy. Trying to convince someone else to have you is even harder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I haven't updated in a long time. I've spent most of my winter break catching up with friends and neglecting my computer. I go back to school in a few days so I'm hoping to do a posting or two before I go back.

"I'll tell everyone."

"Go ahead. It's not like it matters much anyways."

"They're all going to know you're a freak."

"And don't you think they'll wonder how you know all of this about me?" That sure did shut Carl up. John fought to keep a triumphant smile off of his face. This was the first time he had had the upper hand in the conversation since he had told Carl he wanted to break up. "I could care less if people found out I was bisexual but I know you care an awful lot and that's how I know you won't tell."

"I just don't get why you're doing this. You told me yesterday that you loved me and now all of a sudden you want to end it. Were you talking to Moriarty again? Is he making you do this, that sick freak?" Carl looked genuinely hurt, and his words were true, well except for the last part.

"Don't you _dare_ talk about Jim like that!" John's posture changed giving off a warning not to push him any farther. He could deal with Carl threatening to out him, but he couldn't stand the thought of him doing or saying anything that would hurt Jim. "I don't care what I said yesterday; I'm saying no today. I don't need you, and I don't want you. Now please get the fuck out of my face before I do something we'll both regret."

John marched out of the boat shack and once out the door practically sprinted away, he didn't want to be anywhere near that place or the boy in it. He couldn't believe the boy he had loved for so long had turned out to be as vicious and cruel as Jim had made him out to be. John felt blindsided by the boys actions; he had just tried to keep John in the relationship by threatening to reveal his sexuality. Well, fuck him. If John were lucky, he would never have to speak to Carl Powers ever again.  _I hope he drops dead,_ John thought to himself as he let his anger simmer.

* * *

 

 **Sent [10:13 p.m.]:** _I know you're mad, but I also know that you can't hold a grudge when it comes to me so_ let's _just save ourselves the time and talk. JW_

 **Sent [11:27 p.m.]:** _You know you can't ignore me forever. JW_

 **Sent [11:27 p.m.]:** _Although I do understand now why you hated Powers so much. What an asshole. JW_

 **Sent [11:32 p.m.]:** _He threatened to tell everyone that I liked guys, not like I care if people know. Most of the rugby guys already know so it's not like I need anyone else's approval. JW_

 _ **Sent** _ **[11:34 p.m.]:** _He was also going to tell everyone what an adrenalin junkie I am. Tell them all about how I like to do something dangerous before I have sex. About how I like the sex even more than the danger. All of the sick things we had done, he was going to tell. Said he would send a mass text to everyone on the school roster. JW_

 **Sent [11:35 p.m.]:** _He would keep his name out of it of course. He wouldn't want everyone to know that he likes to fuck other guys. JW_

 **Sent [11:50 p.m.]:** _I wonder if you would read it. Read all about what I'm like in bed. I wonder if you're even reading these texts. JW_

 **Sent [11:50 p.m.]:** _It would probably make you hate me more than you already do. JW_

 **Received [11:51 p.m.]:** _I couldn't possibly hate you_ any more _than I_ already _do so I see no harm in reading what Powers has to say about you. Moriarty_

John smiled to himself as he let his phone drop in this bed. He had gotten Jim to respond which was the main part of his strategy to win the boy over. They needed to be talking first for them to get anywhere with this new insight into their love for each other. Hopefully, the Irishmen would still be talking to him tomorrow, and with thoughts of Jim rushing through his head, John fell asleep.

 **Received [11:51 p.m.]:** _And by the_ way _if Powers ever tries anything I'll kill him. And I won't make it a swift death. Moriarty_


	8. Dynamic Duo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mending things is easier then it seems for two idiots in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay I just started my second semester at college and my schedule is so jam-packed.

Jim slammed his locker door closed just as a hand slid around his shoulder. He didn't typically enjoy being touched but when it came to John touching him Jim didn't mind. In fact, Jim remembered when he used to crave that contact, want for it more than anything in the world. He used to dream about what it would be like to have John's lips on his, John's hand in his hair, their bodies entangled.

Jim shook his head; he was still mad at the rugby player and he couldn't let mere desires make him forget that. Jim shrugged off the arm feeling a stab of regret at the absence.

"I'm still mad," Jim stated turning from his locker to face John.

"I know but I've wanted to do that forever, and I thought why not try it out. It's not like you could hate me any more than you do right now," John was leaning against the locker next to Jim's. He ran a hand through his messy blond hair, a clear indication that he was trying to act cooler than he was.

"Yes, well, if you had done that years ago I wouldn't be mad at you right now," Jim refused to drop his dark brown eyes from John's deep blue ones. He needed to get his point across, needed John to know that Jim had loved him for a long time, and all of that was wasted by John's dating around.

"Hey, you can't put all the blame on me. Relationships are a two-way street you could have said something anytime you wanted to," John was turning a slight shade of red and if Jim was pressed he would have to say it looked quite cute on the boy.

"Well, you sure as hell didn't make it easy with the endless parade of skanks you've brought around. What was I going to do jump in during a rebound and ask for a shot at being next weeks ex?" Jim knew it was harsh, but he couldn't take back the words. John sucked in a sharp breath between his teeth and clenched his fists.

"You could have pretended to have the least bit of interest in me. Could have flirted like all of my 'skanks' did. And what was I supposed to do? Stop dating just because I liked you. I wanted them too, and if I had thought I had a shot in hell with you, I would have taken that chance," It was the truth, Jim could read it on him as though it was written on John's forehead. "You might not need anyone Jim but I need you, and when I can't have you I need a distraction. I need someone to try and love even a decimal as much as I love you. I try, and I try, and I try to move on from you, but I can't. Because you are the only person who knows me to my core."

Jim stared at him blankly for a moment, all of John's emotions laid plane for the world to see. John Watson was in love with him. John Watson wanted to be with him. John Watson would probably end up breaking his heart, and then Jim would have to crush John in return.

Jim's anger was slowly fading with the new information. This was the boy he had loved most of his life telling him he loved him back.

"Listen, I know what I did with Carl was shitty, and I know you probably won't forgive me for a long time, but I need you to at least be my friend. I need someone to be by my side. We've been best friends for ages and you not speaking to me has been the most terrible thing to happen to me in a long time. Please just say you'll still be there for me. Please, Jim, I need you."

"I don't think I could ever truly leave you, John Watson."

"Good because if you did I would die,"  _And you'll die if you leave me,_ Jim thought fleetingly.

 

 


End file.
